Soul Song
by LKLTB
Summary: Kaito was beginning to lose sight of the spark that made him love magic so much; Shinichi was just plain lost. Both needed to find some purpose to keep walking down their chosen roads, but neither thought they would end up looking to the other for it...


Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan or Magic Kaitou, nor will I for the continuation of this fic. (After I finish it, though... That's a different story! *wink*)

A/N: Hey, all! I just want to say, I know absolutely nothing about instrumental music and violins in general. That's why my Shinichi doesn't use sheet music! Eheh...yeah... On the plus side, if you want to read the non-edited (read: explicit) version of later chapters, you can follow this story on livejournal instead! Just go to http (colon slash slash) community (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) soul_song_fic (slash) 1011 (dot) html by replacing the parenthesized words with their corresponding symbols. ^.^ And now, on to the story!

Soul Song

Chapter 1: Where the Road Has Taken Us…

He stared at the mirror, fiddling with his tie and letting himself brood about his life. Free…and yet he was still as trapped as before. Everything had become so predictable since those murdering bastards were caught three years ago. There was no Challenge anymore. No Challenge equaled Boredom in his mind; always had, always would. His creative soul was drowning, needing to be expressed fully to an audience that could appreciate his true genius.

Speaking of an audience… He sighed. Even that had become nothing but a study in monotony. The Task Force was beginning to be something of a joke, really, and Nakamori-keibu was just plain…well, getting old. Despite how spry he was for his age it was still clear to Kaito that the good inspector would have to retire from the field someday. And then there was Tantei-san. Twenty-three years old and they had only recently managed to exchange their rivalry over Aoko for friendship. (Kaito rather thought that had more to do with him removing himself from said competition than any actual contention between their personalities. After all, he did _like_ Hakuba, the annoying git.) But the half-Brit's career had taken off after they graduated high school; slowly, he had stopped coming to heists, save for the odd random appearance now and then. Even Tantei-kun seemed to have abandoned him, instead taking more of an observer's role. Kudo Shinichi's public presence had, apparently, diminished quite a bit since he had returned from his…ah…_short_ three-and-a-half year vacation. Though, to be fair, Kaito did owe him for unknowingly taking down Snake. (It turned out that he and his cohorts were a subdivision of the organization Kudo went after. Go figure.)

Ah, well, bitter experience had taught him you couldn't have everything in life you wanted. Just look at Pandora… Stupid thing was still out there, taunting him with every false positive, every heist that ended in failed hope. At this rate he'll still be looking even after the grave. He sighed again. Somewhere overhead, a PA speaker blipped on.

"Ladies and gentlemen, time for tonight's main act!"

Kaito closed his eye and took a deep, fortifying breath. This also was beginning to lose its appeal. And wasn't that just depressing. He strode smoothly from the backroom to center stage.

"A young magician who's made quite a name for himself in the past few years, may I present to you…KUROBA KAITO!"

As the curtain rose amongst the applause, Kaito allowed himself one last cynical thought before slamming his Poker Face on: 'Just get through this one last performance, Kuroba, and you'll have a whole month to yourself to sit and sulk. And won't that be absolutely wonderful?'

Kudo Shinichi was…single and incredibly annoyed. It wasn't Ran's fault, really. The week before the big take-down he had called her with his bowtie to tell her what was going on. Some of it, anyway. He'd explained, patiently, that the case he'd been working on was coming to an end and he might not survive it. He cared enough about her to not make her wait to find out if he died. When she'd asked about what would happen if he lived… Shinichi could still remember every last breath of the conversation after his brief silence:

_ "I…I'm sorry, Ran. It's just, after three and a half years of working this case… I don't think I can ever see the world the same way that you do again. I __**do**__ care about you, but it's more a desire for your happiness than anything else. Even when…if…I come back, you wouldn't be happy with me. I'm too…changed. I can't… So please, Ran, let me go. For your sake. And, maybe also for mine."_

_There was a second of tension, two, and then a whispered sob. Finally Ran answered, "Alright, Shinichi, alright. I understand. I'll let you go…but only so far! You're still my brilliant mystery otaku, my best friend, and I'm not going to let that change. I don't care what you say; when you get back you'll still be my Shinichi. Everything will be like before, you'll see!" She hung up, as if she couldn't bear to hear him contradict her world again. And so Shinichi came to a realization: the part of him that he had hidden the first time around, the part he had carefully allowed to bloom during his forced second childhood, would have to disappear again. Even Haibara and Hattori only saw him as a logical person. He would still have to conceal half of his soul, even from them. He made a choking sound, and his ten-year-old form fell out from under him, sobbing its frustration onto the cool concrete before he could stop it._

The memory still made a piece of him, the one that he had been trying to ignore, tremble. He'd learned to live with it, but it had only resulted in a lesson on self-control. He'd allowed himself to make more attachments than to just Ran this time around, given emotion almost as much leeway as logic, and then had to figure out how to repress some of those feelings. This, of course, combined with his forced celibacy, made the back of Shinichi's mind a very…raw place. Hence the reason he was annoyed. The mind could only stand so many distracting grab-the-next-person-you-see-and-just-let-yourself-_feel_ thoughts before it went into emotional meltdown.

It didn't even have to be a girl, oh no. Shinichi had discovered, upon returning to his twenty-year-old form, that letting go of his Ran fixation opened up so many more possibilities. He just couldn't act on any of it. The worst part of it all was that three years with twice as many options plus passionate frustration apparently equaled even _Hattori_ looking attractive. And that just scared the hell out of him.

'That does it. I need to go into isolation until I have Control again.' It was time to get the key to his parents' country house and disappear for a few days. Maybe a few weeks, just to be sure. Hell, who was he kidding? He might never come out again.

He entered the kitchen, dropping his grocery bags on the bar, and took a deep breath. When he'd arrived earlier that day the place had whispered faintly of dust and old mothballs. He'd gone through from top to bottom to air everything out, opening windows as he went. Now, two hours later, he had food and the house smelled much friendlier. He could taste the faint sweetness of summertime countryside and decided to leave the windows open through the night. Even Shinichi's logical side could appreciate simple pleasures.

After putting away the perishables, he went upstairs to the master bedroom, the room he'd claimed for his own, to get his violin. He had debated bringing sheet music along, before changing his mind and leaving them all behind. He'd never tried free form, but he might as well let his creative side have a little fun until he got it back under wraps, right? Right. That done, he walked across the hall to the music room.

The music room was Kaasan's answering indulgence to his father's library back home. When they'd bought the house she had demanded that the largest guest room be converted into something where she could practice her lines in peace. So Tousan had paid to have the room made completely sound-proof. Shinichi had been ecstatic when he found out, though he'd covered it well. An entire room where he could rant, cry, and play and no one would ever know. To him it had sounded like the perfect place to make his haven. He'd aired it out earlier, so it should be ready for him now.

He closed the door and locked it; no point in taking chances. Then he slid a chair to the middle of the room, sat, and tuned his instrument. Carefully, he positioned it, chin holding snugly to the rest, drew up his bow, and let the music take over. With the first note his blood gave its heavy approval, sliding through him with a burn not unlike alcohol. The drive and release were so heady that he didn't even notice he'd left the window open…

Kaito closed his eyes, letting the breeze float him along, and thought about how even getting time to himself had somehow gone mockingly wrong. When he'd mentioned to Hakuba about taking his one month of free time as a sort of vacation, the blond had suggested using his house in the country. Unfortunately, he'd said it just as Aoko and Akako had come in, giving rise to the idea that all _four_ of them were going. Kaito hadn't had the heart to tell her that part of what he needed a break from was _them_, so now he was stuck sharing a room in Hakuba's family's two bedroom retreat. He'd managed to convince the girls that, no, he _really didn't_ want company on his walk, so just _stay here_, Aoko, and have fun; and Akako, you can stop _smirking_ like that now, please! He'd hidden his 'work clothes' and hang-glider under jeans and a light jacket, dashed off to the shadows, and gave his wings the freedom they'd been aching to have for weeks. Not that it solved any of his problems, but…a guy had to indulge somehow, right?

Something soft and sensuous tugged at the edge of his concentration, prompting him to open his eyes and pay attention. Immediately, he both saw and heard what had distracted him. A large house, an open window, _Tantei-kun_ sitting there playing the violin, and _oh God_ that _sound_… His whole body convulsed in response, causing him to lose control of the glider for a moment. He managed to right himself enough to land in a near-by tree, collapsing the wings before leaning against the trunk. He was trembling, little fizzy bubbles running through his body in place of thought and nerve interaction. Completely helpless, he could only sit there and let the need coming from Kudo's soul feed his every fantasy.


End file.
